Weekly Round Up- Week 2

By on May 15, 2013 in Photo A Day

At the beginning of April I signed up for a writing apprenticeship with Jenna McGuiggan of the Word Cellar.  I am learning so much about craft and improving my writing.  I am alternately excited and daunted about this work and it has not left me with a ton of time to write longer posts for my blog. I am drafting a post more about my experience Jenna to share with you later.  It has so far been well worth the investment.

So in the mean time I will share a simple post of my weekly round up- week 2 from my Photo a Day in May project that I am also participating in this month.  Hope everyone is enjoying the blooming spring and it is as wonderful for you as it is here in the Detroit area.

Risk (always take)

Risk (always take)

Eat (My Words)

Eat (My Words)

Sleep (In the Clouds)

Sleep (In the Clouds)

Proud (of M.)

Proud (of M.)

Grateful (for all my wrong ways)

Grateful (For All My Wrong Ways)

Drink (Bubbles of Fun)

Drink (Bubbles of Fun)

Belong (in this World)

Belong (in this World)

 

 

 

 

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Weekly Photo Round Up

By on May 8, 2013 in Photo A Day

I am breathing a huge sigh of relief that the weather is finally changing towards spring here in the Detroit area. April was an endless mess of cold, rain, gray and darkness. Inspired to finally get out and see the world a new I chose to leap in and take part in Sensitive and Thriving’s Photo a Day in May project. I have to admit I love participating in projects because they force me to get out and do the work and I get to be part a community and meet other great folks who creating all over the world.  So here is this week’s round of photos taken for Photo a Day in May.

Blankets

Peace (A Way to Find It)

Joy

Joy (A Breath)

Safe

Safe (Hear Me Come)

Beautiful (Light on Painting)

Beautiful (Light on Painting)

Favorite (A Younger M)

Favorite (A Younger M)

Cozy (Love Arms)

Cozy (Love Arms)

Love (Afternoon Style)

Love (Afternoon Style)

 

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A Place Where People Are Happy

By on May 2, 2013 in Living with an Open Heart

Happy MugSo I have found a place where people are happy and it is a surprising place.  Your local state capital.  I know it may sound strange and the happiness may not real deep or even that authentic from some folks running around there but it is none the less a place where I have found people to be happy and friendly for the most part.

I noticed this strange phenomena each time I spend anytime at the Michigan state capital in Lansing, which is often for my day job.  This past week I spent three days there and as I was walking around I was a bit taken a back by all the people smiling at me, saying hi, even asking how I was doing. Being from Detroit I was of course on guard ,wondering “What do they want?”.  I was suspect of the niceness and confused “Are they talking to me?”.

Then it occured to me that they are indeed talking to me and so I smiled back, said “Fine, and how are you?”  It is so strange to have little moments of pleasantries and acknowledgement that I exist by complete strangers.  This does not happen all over Lansing just in the immediate surroundings of the Capital building. And it does not matter if you are passing by a woman in a suit or a man in work uniform from the local restaurant.  They all are nice and happy.

Now you may be wondering, really the state capital?  Yes, and while I have only had this experience in Michigan I am going to go out on a limb and say that I bet most state capitals are the same.  A place where people are nice and seemingly happy.

I have a theory. I think because there are so many politicians and constituents roaming around there everyone is nice because they never know who they are talking to.  So you might say the niceness and happiness is a self-serving, self-preservation thing.  I guess I might be cynical on this one but none the less if you ever need a boost in yourself esteem go to your state capital and walk around for a few hours. I swear you will get more people looking you in eye and  saying hello to you then you know what do with.

 

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My Favorite Books

By on April 29, 2013 in 52 Lists

list of books This week’s the topic for 52 Lists is to list your favorite books.  Really?  All of my favorite books? I don’t have time nor the space on the paper, nor the patience to list them all.  So I remembered my new favorite saying, “perfect is the enemy of done” and went through the house and picked some of my favorites from the books shelfs.

I noticed that this short list contains many novels and memoirs instead of books on spirituality or some sort of self-help book (I have an abundance of those).  I find it interesting that when asked of favorites I gravitated towards works that deal with trauma in young adolescence and overcoming difficult childhoods. To be honest I feel a bit too  transparent admitting to what I read, like the cat is out of the bag and now it is apparent I had a difficult childhood.    I so don’t want to be a cliché and yet it is the truth of my story, at least part of my story.  I like to think that everyone had a difficult childhood because it makes me feel not so strange.  I think that is also why so many stories about difficult upbringings resonate with me, I don’t feel so alone.

Reading Dancing at the Shame Prom (last on my list) has made me painfully aware that shame is deeply rooted in me still despite years of therapy and reading many books on overcoming shame and a difficult childhood.  I have so many of my stories that I keep hidden or dare not to say. I think I need to look at these stories a little more and perhaps write more about them.  They say shame can not live in silence.

Here is the list of favorite books that I came up with:

  • What Do We Know by Mary Oliver (I return to the volume of hers over and over; not a well known volume of her work but very powerful.)
  • Autobiography of a Family Photo by Jacqueline Woods (Love the voice of the narrator)
  • A Girl, In Parts by Jasmine Paul
  • Bastard Out of Carolina by Dorothy Allison
  • The Alchemist by Paulo Choelho
  • Composing a Life by Mary Catherine Batson
  • The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls ( I could so relate)
  • The Lovely Bones and Lucky by Alice Sebold
  • Nearer Than the Sky by T. Greenwood
  • Dancing at the Shame Prom edited by Amy Ferris and Hollye Dexter (This is a new book I got this past week and it is keeping me captivated, I am almost done reading it. Many of the essays have touched deep parts of my shame and have brought me to tears. For anyone who has dealt with shame I highly recommend this book.)

In addition to this list of some of my favorite books you can also check out my Resources and Inspiration page where I list many books that have had an impact on me.  You can also read some other lists of books I like here.  I really could go on and on but honestly I want to go and read.

The Challenge this week is state what I will read and as I am almost done with Dancing at the Shame Prom, I am going to finish reading that this afternoon. Then I think I am going to work on drafting a couple of posts about some of my shame secrets.

So what are your favorite books, now or in the past?

 

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A Real Life Unedited

By on April 24, 2013 in Living with an Open Heart

I have a ran across a few blog posts this week about how blogs, social media and the internet can make it seem like everyone elses life is so idyllic and beautiful.  It came seem like others glide through life with ease and grace, no cares, no worries.  Victoria from SF Girl by the Bay addresses this issues so well here, talking about how she does not want to exclude anyone by having others think her life is so perfect.  So while she gets do amazing things for a living and share that with us, it is not all great and she works really hard.  Same with Kate over at Your Courageous Life, she address the same issue here.  She hits it spot on when she talks about the epidemic of silent shame.  I could so relate with this post.  Finally, Jenna from the Word Cellar wrote this great post here which really says it all for me.  This is one that I will read over and over.

I have been thinking for some time of doing a blog post about what a real house looks like, at least my real house.  Because I have to be honest, I sometimes look through all of these beautiful blogs and pictures of great homes on the Internet and I think “holy s**t, really who the hell has time for that?”  This is one of the main reasons I have not joined Pinterest, I don’t need one more thing telling me be better or do more.  For me, that is what will happen.

I made a choice years ago to let go of many expectations about keeping my home just so and instead accepted the fact that there are only so many hours in the day. So I choose to do things like, write or read, perhaps go paint in my studio instead of make my home my creation.  For others, the home is their canvas.  For me home is more functional.

Inspired by others, I am taking the plunge.  My blog is about cultivating an open heart and that means taking courage by the hand and allowing myself to be vulnerable.  Showing a real life unedited.  Showing that my home is not perfect and will never make to Pinterest (well I hope not, unless they have board for messy homes).

Here is what my house really looks, this is my life, at least a part of life unfiltered.  And the pictures are not that great. (I am working on that).

 This is one view of my studio. No matter how hard I try I have never been able to create in a clean space. I like to call it 50% organized.

This is one view of my studio. No matter how hard I try I have never been able to create in a clean space. I like to call it 50% organized.
Another view of my studio. I have been working on that series for months now. I did find really hard to paint after D. died and I have not been back at it full force in awhile.

Another view of my studio. I have been working on that series for months now. I did find really hard to paint after D. died and I have not been back at it full force in awhile.

yes, one more view. I really love my studio and I feel so blessed to have the space.

yes, one more view. I really love my studio and I feel so blessed to have the space.

So my partner made the cats a fort on the love seat two weeks ago. They love it so much we leave it up. There really is a little cave in there for the cats to sleep and play in.

This is my landing pad for when I get home and my launch pad for when I leave. My bags are always around it and my sweaters on it. Please note that I tend to carry a lot of stuff with me. Not sure why.

This is my landing pad for when I get home and my launch pad for when I leave. My bags are always around it and my sweaters on it. Please note that I tend to carry a lot of stuff with me. Not sure why.

So this is my favorite. We got that mirror back in October at Ikea and we could not figure out where to put it so we put in front of the bookshelf...temporarily . Please note that cardboard packaging is still on the mirror. Also, what I am wearing my standard uniform once I get home.

So this is my favorite. We got that mirror back in October at Ikea and we could not figure out where to put it so we put in front of the bookshelf…temporarily . Please note that cardboard packaging is still on the mirror. Also, what I am wearing is my standard uniform once I get home.

Picture of my office

This is my office and where I do most of my writing.

So this is the book shelf in my office. Please note the lovely molds of my teeth on top of the zen book. Not sure how I collect the things I do. My decorating style is random placement.

So this is the book shelf in my office. Please note the lovely molds of my teeth on top of the zen book. Not sure how I collect the things I do. My decorating style is random placement.

Ok, I have to admit this is one part of my home I love. Not too pretty but so damn functional. It is right next to the front door and it can hold all of our shoes and boots. I love that I have a place to hang all of my scarfs. I have many.

Ok, I have to admit this is one part of my home I love. Not too pretty but so damn functional. It is right next to the front door and it can hold all of our shoes and boots. I love that I have a place to hang all of my scarfs. I have many.

The dishes are done and I will be honest, we will not put the dishes away but rather use them from the drying towel.

The dishes are done and I will be honest, we will not put the dishes away but rather use them from the drying towel.

So this is where all of the action is and it is always cluttered with stuff. The serving dishes I got for by birthday in February from my mother. I have no where to put them and I have to clean out a cupboard, just have not found the time yet.

So this is where all of the action is and it is always cluttered with stuff. The serving dishes I got for by birthday in February from my mother. I have no where to put them and I have to clean out a cupboard, just have not found the time yet.

So this is one of many bookshelves in my home. Please note that I tend not to get the books back on the shelf but rather next to the shelf. Also, the chair with work clothes I need to wash.

So this is one of many bookshelves in my home. Please note that I tend not to get the books back on the shelf but rather next to the shelf. Also, the chair with work clothes I need to wash.

This used to be my son's room. He moved out two years ago and I still have not converted it to the mediation room like I wanted. I am afraid it has become a storage room and part of my extended closet.

This used to be my son’s room. He moved out two years ago and I still have not converted it to the mediation room like I wanted. I am afraid it has become a storage room and part of my extended closet.

I know that it is still April and it snowed some today but the truth of the matter is that because D. died on the first day of spring last year I did not go out into my backyard once. The grief exhausted me and I told myself to not even try. My gardens are now horribly over grown. We will give the garden a try this year.

I know that it is still April and it snowed some today but the truth of the matter is that because D. died on the first day of spring last year I did not go out into my backyard once. The grief exhausted me and I told myself to not even try. My gardens are now horribly over grown. We will give the garden a try this year.

I have to say that I love my home.  It has sheltered me well for the past ten years.  It is not a picture perfect home but it is mine and it does truly reflect who I am.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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