“Knowing how you actually want to feel is the most potent form of clarity that you can have.” ― Danielle LaPorte
Peaceful, Creative, Connection, Authentic and Kind. These are my Core Desire Feelings. These are my guides. These are what I want to cultivate in my life beyond anything else.
I have resisted reading the Danielle LaPorte’s book the Desire Map since it came out because goal setting is a dangerous endeavor for me.
I know this may sound counter intuitive to accepted norms but for my mental health I tend to shy away from most goal setting or self-help programs. For myself, I find that I end up feeling worse about myself for having read someone’s five point plan to make all of my dreams come true or some book that says if I just do this, this and that then everything will be great.
The reality is my life is messy and never fits into an ideal that some fantastic person lays out. Plus I have a huge tendency to expect the impossible from myself. There is so much I want to achieve, so many dreams needing to be fulfilled. I use to jam pack my year plan with every single goal I had in my big book of dreams, and sure I would succeed at some, but most were out of my reach from the moment I set them to paper. So I often felt deflated and like a big fat loser for never being able to reach all of my goals. Which then lead to feelings of I suck and would get the “I am not good enough” ball rolling.
It is not that I am against goal setting per se, it is more I have learned over the years to be super kind to myself and not set too many. I do need a map as to where I am going and what I want to do. I have lived too much of my life just bumping into the next thing that popped up. I dream big but I know better than to hold myself to the fire of un-doable.
So I finally caved and picked the Desire Map audiobook because of the curiosity about the concept of Core Desire Feelings and setting goals based on how you want to feel instead of what you want to accomplish. I wrote about this a few week’s ago here. I think this approach can fit into my life and be a gentle guide that might work for me.
So I am taking my time and slowly working with the book (I do recommend getting the audio book because Danielle’s voice is so awesome). After many weeks of writing and contemplation, I have finally identified my Core Desire Feelings (CDF).
For those of you not familiar with the Desire Map, CDF’s are how I want to feel, they are the guides for choosing what I want to do in my life. These are the feelings I want to cultivate with my efforts. When faced with a new opportunity I can stop, check in and ask, is this project, goal or whatever going to help me feel the way I want to feel or not.
This is a map I can use to set goals that will not leave me feeling not good enough, will not trigger my perfection monster and will help me move my life in the direction of what is good and right for me.
Even though I have not finished setting goals, I already find myself asking myself if what I am doing is in alignment with how I want to feel. I am even letting go of some activities and prioritizing others because I know I will feel peaceful or connected to others. I know the courage to create and open registration for Honor Your Voice is because it helps me feel creative, connected and authentic.
So the next adventure is setting goals. May I have realistic, loving and kind expectations of myself but most important, may I remember that it is about how I want to feel not what I accomplish.
If you haven’t checked out the Desire Map yet, I highly recommend it. It will be worth your time.
Don’t forget registration for Honor Your Voice-An online Creative Writing Retreat is open and I am offering special early bird pricing until October 31st. Let’s write together.