“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.”
― E.E. Cummings
I am sitting alone at my writing desk, black ball point pen in hand. The page is half full of scribbles of thoughts from my mind. Residue from my dreams that ended just twenty minutes before are colliding with rising awareness of the coming day. Between these spaces I am aware that I feel fear when I write about Creative Nonfiction Writers Conference coming up at the end of May in Pittsburgh, PA.
Attending is a leap for me, a leap that clenches my belly and draws my breath up short. Attending is staring at my fears about writing and mingling with professional writers dead in the eye. Attending is movement toward my dreams. Attending means participating in a workshop and sending in a manuscript — I am not sure I am ready for that level of exposure. I am not sure about the money.
Jay says I shouldn’t let the financial aspects hold me back. He says I should go. Jenna, my writing coach, says I can hold my own in a workshop. I feel confused considering all of this—yet I know what I need and want to do. I know in my bones I need to go and move in the direction of my dreams.
So it looks like I am going to attend the Creative Nonfiction Writers Conference at the end May. My breath is short, my fingers are numb, I feel light-headed. I guess this is courage.
This post is part of the April Moon reflective writing challenge with Kat McNally. It’s never too late to join in!