“Doing research on the Web is like using a library assembled piecemeal by pack rats and vandalized nightly. ” ― Roger Ebert
Today I am feeling a bit off my center because the internet was out most of the week and I am playing catch up on many tasks that had to wait for connection. One of the many late summer storms that rolled through our area, tossing the trees, shaking the earth and sending jolts of electrical currents scrambled my modem and killed it. I was stunned by my feelings of being lost because I depend on internet connection for so many things from working out in the morning, to paying my bills, to writing projects, to working and checking my email.
The internet is stitched deeply into the fabric of my life. So while I had more time to read books, write in my journal and have longer dinners with Jay with conversation stretching to bedtime, I was not able to whittle away at my to do list for my creative writing retreat coming up in November. I was not able to complete my midweek post about my experience at the AWA training in Chicago last week.
All of which brings up issues of expectations and why I constantly have to be doing something I deem productive to be, well, good enough. Ah, the pesky good enough feelings from the past. The ones that sound and feel so true but are a mirage of my mind, habitual thoughts not based on fact or reality. The ones that cause my heart to beat faster and my stomach to clench.
What the lack of internet gave me was more time on my meditation cushion, more time to slow down, more time to digest the impact of the training last week and to formulate just how I want to fold the AWA workshops into my life. It gave me time to meander on the page about what I can offer other writers in the coming year. It gave me balance and way to continue the slower pace I experienced in Chicago at the training.
This morning I sit in my office with a cold wind rushing through the trees. I hope to ride my bike later today. My bike riding days are getting fewer and fewer as the fall presses in. I have a long list of writing projects to attend to plus I have to grocery shop for the coming week and pay those bills.
But before all of that begins, I am going to sit on my meditation cushion, I am going to have a long breakfast with Jay and I am going to take things slow. I am going to remember I am not my to do list, I am not what I accomplish. I might even turn off my internet, for it is also a huge distraction for me as much as a tool that helps me connect with the rest of the world.
My time to search for links for this week’s Inspiration to Open Your Heart was minimal but I still did find some links I wanted to share with you.
The News Worth Telling by Beth Kephart- I love this so much. I can so relate as I am stumped every time someone asks me “What’s new?” I never know what to say. Beth articulates why.
Our Queer Little Hybrid Thing by Ned Stuckey-French- This is a great piece about personal essays. Worth the read.
An MFA for the Rest of Us- I have to admit I go back and forth about getting an MFA. 13 years ago I told myself I would go back to school five years after I finished my BFA. I am still on the fence but I think this MFA is the right one for me. I personally can’t wait to take, CW 4300 Pretending You’re Talking to Terry Gross When You’re Alone in the Car.
Recitethis.com- I love this so much and how super cool. I can lose hours playing around on this site. A good example of why I don’t need the internet.
Kandinsky- Concerning the Spiritual In Art via Brainpickings- I fell in love with Kandinsky at the Chicago Art Institute back in 1995 and this book was my constant companion in my studio while in art school. I think I have three copies floating around my house.
May you find space with out the internet in the coming week to cultivate peace.~ Kira